Rose's Diary
by JamminBooks13
Summary: This is a sequel to Sydney's Diary. The gang is now all eager to read all about Rose's thoughts and feelings. Now, however, there are two new readers ready to read her diary: Lissa and Christian. How will Lissa and Dimitri react to Rose's personal thoughts?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey guys! I'm so glad you liked Sydney's Diary and decided to make a sequel because you requested it. I'm also going to be making Adrian's diary after this. Please have patience on my updating because I am so busy. Also, sorry about any grammar errors. I get that this should technically be under Vampire Academy instead of Bloodlines, but because it takes place after Bloodlines, I decided to put it in Bloodlines. One more thing is that it's been over a year since I've read the VA series so I'm sorry about any incorrect ordering of events. I know I jump through a lot of places, but I figured I'd highlight some of the most meaningful places in the series that I wanted the whole group to know about. Enjoy ;)**

Rose groaned, covering her face with her hands, "You guys can't do this to me."

"You did it to me," I pointed out, holding her diary in my hand.

"Besides, Little Dhampir," Adrian said, "If you didn't want anyone to find it, then you should've hidden it better."

"Yeah, sorry, Rose, but in a box under your bed probably wasn't a great place to hide it," Eddie said, "We hardly had to ransack your room at all."

"Roza, they do have a point," Dimitri said with one of his rare smiles.

"Really, Comrade?" Rose said, facing him, "You want to choose _their_ side right now? I can have you sleeping on the couch."

His smile didn't falter; however, he did change his wording, "Okay, okay. All I'm saying is that I would've expected you to hide something so personal a bit better."

"Fine," She said, "You have a point."

"Rose," I said seriously, "If you really don't want us to read this, we won't."

Nearly everyone groaned and shouted comments of disagreement.

Rose, however, smiled at me, "No, Sydney, it's fine. I made you read yours, so you can make me read mine. Besides, now that people know that I have one, I'm sure it will be read anyways."

"Good point," I laughed, then felt my phone buzzing in my pocket and stood up, "Just a second, guys. I've got a call, but afterwards we can start reading."

"Don't take too long," Adrian said with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Taking out my phone, I saw the name and answered immediately, "Queen Vasilisa, hello. Is something wrong?"

Everyone in the room leaned forward, holding a collective breath. Laughter rang out on the other end of the line, and I let that breath out, and everyone else did too.

"No, no. Nothing is wrong. I was just calling to check in."

"Okay, good."

"How is everyone?" She asked, "Anything worth updating?"

I glanced around the room, "Not really. Everyone's doing great. Well, some more than great," I looked at Jill and Eddie, "Jill and Eddie finally accepted that they're meant to be."

The squeal on the other end of the line nearly made me deaf, and I held the phone away from my face. "It's about time!" She said enthusiastically.

Jill and Eddie blushed, and I smiled, "Yes it is."

"So everyone else is good too?"

"Yes, everyone is…well, except Rose. She'll a little…" I struggled to find the right word, "Stressed."

"What? Why? Did something happen with Dimitri?" The Queen went full out protective mode for her best friend.

"No, no," I laughed, "Those two are still very love birdy," That made both of them blush.

"So what's going on? Why's she stressed?"

A smile creeped onto my face, "We're about to read her diary."

"Sydney, no!" Cried Rose, "Why would you tell her?!"

I gave her a sorry-but-not-sorry look and she glared at me.

"Oh my gosh," Queen Vasilisa said, "Hold on."

The line went dead, and I said, "Hello?"

No response. She hung up on me. Suddenly, the TV on the wall began to ring-we had hooked it up to our computer. It flashed, 'Skype Call from TheDragomirQueen.'

Rose groaned, "Ignore it. Please, please ignore it."

Adrian answered it, "Oops, sorry. I slipped. I really did mean to hit ignore."

Rose glared at him. Suddenly the Queen's and Christian Ozera's face filled the screen. The Queen looked awfully excited.

"Rose! You never told me you had a diary!"

"I wasn't planning on telling anyone," She mumbled in response.

"Aww, is little Rosy feeling violated?" Christian teased.

"Shut up, Sparky," She snapped.

"Well," Adrian said, "Now that everyone's here, why don't we start?"

Everyone nodded and Rose groaned.


	2. Chapter 2

"Who's going to read?" Eddie asked.

"I will!" Adrian and Christian both exclaimed.

"No!" Rose said. She turned to me, "Sydney, please read it. You're the only one I trust to."

"You don't trust me?" Queen Vasilisa, or Lissa, said, pouting.

"It's not that, Liss," Rose said, "I just don't think you'd be able to read some of the stuff in there…it's pretty rough."

Lissa's expression turned worried.

I cleared my throat, "May I start?"

"You may," Adrian said with a smile.

I flipped open to the first page. The second I read the first sentence, my stomach flipped-but not in the good way it did whenever I was around Adrian.

"Sage?" He asked, expression now as worried as Lissa's.

"Maybe I should skip this one…" I said, flipping to the next page. However, it just had the same thing on it. As did the next page and the next page.

"What does it say?" Asked nearly everyone. Rose, however, just looked away, knowing what she'd written.

Taking a deep breath, I began at the beginning, _"Dimitri is Strigoi. My whole world is ruined, shattered around me. It should've been me. He didn't deserve it. HE DIDN'T DESERVE IT! People keep telling me to write down how I feel, 'it'll help,' they all say. Well, this isn't helping. AT ALL. I keep remembering the way the light left his eyes. The way those beautiful eyes met mine for the last time. I bet he'd give me one of his Zen lessons if he was here right now. Something along the lines of, 'Don't mourn for the lost, for they are gone forever.'"_

Dimitri attempted a laugh, but all that came out was a dry choking noise.

 _"Yeah, that's what he'd say, but…that's not what I'd want to hear. I'd want to hear three words. That's it. Only three. I love you. That's all I want. Now I'll never get that. Sure, we had that time in the cabin, but what's to say that that meant anything? Maybe it meant nothing at all. Just a one night stand. Guess I'll never know. Because he's dead. I'll never hear his voice again but in my dreams. He-"_

"Roza, that night…it meant everything to me," Dimitri said to Rose, looking at her seriously, "You couldn't have possibly thought that it was just…a one night stand?"

"What did I know, Dimitri?" She said, not looking at him, "After all that time you spent pushing me away…I couldn't have possibly thought that it was…real."

"Roza…" Dimitri's voice was layered with hurt.

"What night in the cabin?" Lissa asked, her eyes full of tears already.

"Oh, um…" Rose cleared her throat, "Long story. Complicated."

"Rose…" Lissa's tone was nearly a direct match of Dimitri's.

"And this is just the first page…" Mumbled Adrian.

"Syd, could you move on?" Rose asked.

I nodded, "Sure thing…"

I found one that I didn't think I should read out loud, but I thought Lissa should hear. _I'm so sorry, Rose,_ I thought before reading:

 _"I know this decision is going to break Lissa's heart. I know it will…but I have to do it. I have to go after him. I made a promise that I'm going to keep. All my life, it's been they come first. All my life, it's been Princess Vasilisa comes first. Her thoughts, feelings, health, everything,_ everything, _come before mine. I want to be first for once. I want someone to care about_ me. _But that's never going to happen. The closest thing I can get to that is caring for myself. And that's what I'm going to do. I am so, so, very sorry, Lissa. I hope you'll forgive me one day."_

That did it; Lissa burst into tears. "Rose, I'm so, so sorry! I shouldn't have been mad at you! I hadn't understood why you were leaving me and choosing him…I hadn't known you loved him so much. You should be the one forgiving me, not the other way around! I should've put you before me, cared about you more! I'm sorry…" Tears broke her voice.

My own eyes were filled with tears, but I kept them in.

Rose had a few tears trailing down her cheeks, and her voice was weak when she spoke, "Lissa, of course I forgive you. You're my best friend and I was blinded by rage and sadness when I wrote that. I was never mad at you."

"If there wasn't a screen here, I'd hug you," Lissa said, and they both laughed.

"You could hug me instead," Christian said with a hopeful smile.

"I've got a better idea," She said, and kissed him on the cheek.

Rose rolled her eyes, "And I thought Sydney and Adrian were bad."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Sorry it's been so long since I've updated guys! I've had some writer's block on this. Like I said, it's been a while since I've read the VA series. Once again, tell me if I got anything wrong and enjoy!**

I smiled when I opened to a random page, liking the firsts sentence, "I found a good one."

"A good one, or a… _good_ one?" Asked Adrian suggestively.

I rolled my eyes, and Rose said, "Sydney, tell me it's not a _good_ one."

"No, Rose. Not that good of one," I laughed.

"Read it," Whined Lissa.

"Okay, okay," I said, then began, _"So I met Dimitri's family today-"_

Dimitri groaned, and everyone snickered. Even Rose smiled. Glad everyone was excited for this, I continued with a smile, _"I like all of them. They're all so nice and welcoming. Well…short of Yeva. She's an old hag. I swear she's a wrinkly witch. She says she can't speak English but I have a feeling she can, that old-"_

I had to cut myself off and stare at Rose, "What creative language, Rose."

She laughed then flinched in Dimitri's direction, "Sorry, Comrade. I really do like your grandma. We just didn't start out on great terms."

Dimitri smiled, "It's fine. Not many people start out on her good side. Though she's had some very…creative things to say about you too, I know she really likes you too."

"What has she said about me?" Rose asked, eyes narrowed.

"Um, Sydney, would you mind reading again?" Dimitri so obviously changed the topic.

I laughed and nodded, _"Aside from her, though, I can really tell why Dimitri goes on about them like he does. I swear, when he talks about them, it's like a total transformation. It's so obvious he is a mama's boy. He_ was _, I mean. He_ did _do all that. Not anymore because he's…Anyways, that gets me back on track. I'm really not wanting to tell them the news. I can just imagine their faces. I don't want to destroy them like that."_

I had to swallow a lump in my throat before continuing. I can only imagine the feeling of having a stranger tell you your son is dead-or even worse, Strigoi. Shaking the thought out of my head, I continued, _"Especially not Paul. He's the most adorable kid ever-"_

"Just proof you didn't know me as a kid," Adrian said.

Rose scoffed, "You'd never top Paul."

 _"I'd never admit to this out loud, but I really have a soft spot for kids."_ Everyone said 'aww', even me, then I continued, _"Another thing I'd never admit to is that…a part of me has always wanted kids of my own. However, my job made that impossible and Dimitri and I are physically unable to anyways. Not that Dimitri and I would ever have considered it anyways…not that we even_ can _consider it now."_

"Roza…" Dimitri said.

When I looked up, I realized there were tears in her eyes. Her voice was barely a whisper when she spoke, "Don't, Dimitri. Just don't."

"I never knew-" He began, voice pained.

"Of course you wouldn't!" Her whisper became a shout and she stood up, "I kept it from you!"

"Why would you-"

"Why? Really? _This_ is why! Because it's impossible anyways! Because we literally can't and will never be able to," Tears were flowing down her cheeks now, "So why bother even bringing up the subject? There's nothing you can do! So just drop it!"

"Roza, I can't just drop it. We can talk about this," Dimitri said, looking directly into her eyes.

"No." She said bluntly. Then she turned away from everyone and whispered, "I'm going to go take a breather."

Rose turned and walked away.

"Rose! Wait!" Both Lissa and Dimitri called after her.

Dimitri tried to go after him, but I quickly got up and stopped him, "Don't. I'm sorry, but she doesn't need you right now. She needs someone like Lissa, but…"

"Go," Lissa said to me.

"What?"

"You go," She repeated, "Please go after her."

I bit my lip and looked after Rose. After a minute, I nodded, "Okay. I'll be back, guys."

With that, I went after her.


	4. Chapter 4

"Rose?" I knocked on her door.

"What?" She replied miserably.

"I know I'm no Lissa, but I'm here if you want to talk…"

"The door's unlocked."

I opened the door and my heart broke. She was sitting against the wall, hugging her knees that were pulled against her chest, head buried in them. Her shoulders shook with sobs and I heard her muffled cries.

Sitting next to her, I wrapped an arm around her, "Talk to me, Rose."

She looked up and wiped at her cheeks, "What's there to say? I want something I'll never have."

I bit my lip, "You could always find someone to…you know."

"I'd never do that to Dimitri," She shook her head.

"I'm sure he'd under-"

"No."

I sighed. Looking at the ceiling, I said, "Rose, I don't really know what to say. I'm bad at these things. I wish Lissa was here. She'd know-"

"Syd, stop comparing yourself to her!" Rose said with a weak smile, "Sure she's my best friend, but you're right next to her in the friend department. You're a great friend and always there for me when I need it."

"I thought I came up here to comfort _you,"_ I said, smirking slightly.

"I just can't help it," She replied, "It's my nature to care for others."

"Which would make you such a great mother," I said, steering us back to the point, "Are you scared of being a mom? Is that why you've never brought it up? Because once you say it, there's no going back and you don't want to make a decision you're not ready for?"

Rose's eyes went wide and then narrowed, "Can you read my mind or something?"

I laughed, "No. Sadly, that's not included in the whole magic package."

"That's too bad."

"Rose, don't change the topic. Tell me the truth."

"Yes, alright?" She said, "Yes. I'm scared. Because there are ways to have a kid without actually _having_ one. I do want one, I'm just…I'm scared."

"Why?"

"Because what if…what if I'm not good enough?'' Her eyes filled with tears, "What if they end up hating me? What if I do the same thing to my kid that my mom did to me? I can't possibly do that to a child. What if I'm not there for them when they need me? What-"

"Rose," I said, cutting her off. It was clear she was on the verge of hysteria, "You _will_ be good enough. That shows, right now. You're caring about it before you even have a kid. You won't leave them alone. I know that because you won't leave anyone alone to fend for themselves. Besides, you'd have Dimitri to help."

"Oh, Sydney," She said, tears falling again.

Rose hugged me tight. I returned the hug, fighting tears myself. How could Rose ever think she wouldn't be good enough for anyone? She's such a great person! She was there for me even when I was terrified of her. She would gladly give herself up for anyone. If she had a kid, that kid would be the best, most well rounded, cared for kid ever. They'd be a great fighter, too!

Pulling away, Rose looked at me, "Are you crying over me? Sydney…"

She reached out and wiped away tears I hadn't known had fallen.

"Rose, you'd be the best mom ever! How could you ever say you wouldn't be enough?"

"Fear, it gets the best of all of us, doesn't it?"

I smiled, "Yes, yes it does."

She got up and pulled me to my feet, "I think I'm good to go back out."

"Okay," I smiled.

We went back down stairs and everyone was silent. Rose sat next to Dimitri again. He immediately spoke, "Roza, we've got a lot to talk about later."

She nodded, "Yes. We do."

"Are you okay?" Lissa asked, worried.

Rose smiled at her, "Yup. And, Liss, sorry to say, but…" She sniffed and looked at me, "Sydney did a great job of filling your place. So good, in fact, I think she'd be able to replace you."

Lissa mocked a sad face, knowing her best friend was only joking, "I guess I'm replaceable."

Christian wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head, "Not to me you're not."

"Let's get reading," Adrian said.

I snorted, "Now that's one sentence I never thought I'd hear you say."

He grinned, "Well, I did read some of it while you two were gone. It got very interesting."

Jill suddenly got angry, "Adrian! You're sick! That was not interesting!"

Everyone stared at her, confused. Adrian, however, rolled his eyes, "Not _that_ part, Jailbait. Relax."

Taking a deep breath, she calmed down, "Alright."

"What part did you read?" I asked.

"A few. The one she thought I was talking about, though, I wouldn't read out loud. I don't think Rose would like it too much…or Dimitri."


End file.
